To be totally honest, it was a relationship that was doomed from the start. No matter how hard I tried to make it work, no matter how many times I was lied to, cheated on, denigrated, insulted, gaslit, marginalized and hurt, I stayed. I tried to make it work out. I really, really tried.
There were times when I thought it was my fault. That I deserved the poor treatment.
And there were times when I wish that I didn’t feel like shit after a long communication.
But in the end … it ended. I ended it. I walked away.
As of today, I am no longer in a relationship with Verizon.
I mean, where do I start?
Probably back 25 years or so ago, when I became part of a “family plan” for Verizon, and we all received cell phones. I didn’t sign up for Verizon, but I received one of the phones as part of the “family plan.” I received the phone that couldn’t even send a text. It was one of those little phones that had a pull-up antenna on it. Yeah, one of those.
Eventually after my divorce, I acquired the rights to my cell phone number (I had to negotiate that, because I wasn’t the “primary” on the bill, and I needed the “primary” to allow me to take my number). Yeah. And from then on, it was a dance of ugh between myself and the red check company.
How did I hate thee? Let me count the ways. All the ways. All the miserable ways.
Let’s start with Verizon’s “wonderful” VZ Navigator GPS system, and the incredible service it couldn’t provide.
And let’s not forget Verizon’s nasty habit of adding mystery fees and surcharges on anything and everything.
Or how Verizon basically looked the other way when spammers and robo-callers pestered the hell out of me, even when my number was clearly on the Do Not Call Registry.
And let’s not forget the time when I paid into Verizon’s insurance protection plan, and once my phone broke, the insurance plan politely told me that they didn’t cover my phone and wouldn’t cover my phone.
And then came the day when Verizon just simply “bricked” my phone because I committed the cardinal sin of (gasp) owning a BlackBerry. Yeah, Verizon, I’m still PISSED at you for that one.
Oh, and then there’s that time that Verizon decided to charge additional fees depending on whether I paid my bill with cash. Or if I chose to pay it over the phone or in a Verizon Wireless store.
Even with all this, I still stuck with Verizon, for better or for worse. I thought that maybe customer loyalty meant something.
Feh. If I want loyalty, I’ll get a puppy. At least when a puppy craps in your house, it doesn’t make you pay for it like Verizon does.
And trust me on this. It sounds like I talk a big game here. But the truth is … I’m 61. Every day I exist upon this earth is a big fuck you to all my tormentors and griefers and bullies and haters who find a way, every day, to take away my happiness.
As Howard Beale once said, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it any more.”
Or as Popeye the Sailor said, “That’s all I can stanz, I can’t stanz no more.”
So I left the devil I’ve known and took my phone to Spectrum’s wireless program.
Yeah, I know. I’ve blogged about how much I hate Spectrum / Time Warner for as long as I’ve blogged about how much I’ve hated Verizon.
But at this point in life, I’m narrowing down my bullies and tormentors. And Verizon just got kicked to the red-check curb.
It’s time for a new day and a new life. And at least $100/month off my cell phone bill, so there’s that.
Yeah. You could have matched that, Verizon, and I would have stayed with you. You could have even cut me a break on my bill. Or made it so I could have a BlackBerry again. Or something. Anything. Hell, you could have given me the (518) 867-5309 phone number with a bonus Tommy Tutone ringtone and I might have stayed.
But I should have known all along. You never cared. You never really gave a shit about me. All you cared about were the little green pieces of paper in my wallet, and the jingle-jangle of currency in my bank account. That’s all I was to you. Nothing more.
So as far as I’m concerned, this relationship is over. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t send me a postcard begging me to come back.
I’m done with abusive relationships. And the only difference between Verizon and past abusive relationships …
I don’t have to pay alimony after this breakup.
Hey Verizon … can you hear me NOW???
Chuck The Writer 
Cell phones have become city phones and the ‘smart’ ones are dumb. From potentially useful the technology has been corrupted to be just another way of bilking a gullible public. Or in other words, our cell phones don’t work here in Canada and the companies don’t give a damn about their customers either.
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Waiting for you down the road: Tracfone, and over-the-air tv / rabbit ears. At times, even that seems to be too much…stuff.
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